Mirror Mirror
by flyingpiggies
Summary: Raven finds herself in an unusual perdicament: Starfire and her must go undercover for the year's largest event-THE MISS GOTHAM BEAUTY PAGEANT. This means fighting the new evils of pink dresses and the dreaded talent and swimsuit competions.
1. Rehersal

Okay so I was watching Miss Congeniality yesterday with some friends when suddenly I was stricken with inspiration and voila! So enjoy and leave a review…maybe suggestions for possible characters?

Summary: When two contestants disappear, Starfire and Raven go undercover for the largest event of the year-the Miss Gotham beauty pageant-While the guys try to find the criminal will the girls survive the swimsuit, talent, and other competitions?   

***

_Mirror Mirror on the wall…_

_Who is the fairest of them all?_

"Yo, Raven! C'mon out already." The robot sighed and slid to the floor. 

His thoughts about the beauty pageant could be expressed in two words, hot babes. This was exactly how he wanted to spend his Friday 'patrol' night, swimming deep in a sea of women, especially since the pageant was funded by several of the largest, richest companies in the world. He didn't know who had threatened to destroy the beauty contest participants, but Cyborg was most defiantly not complaining. Special VIP tickets to the largest event of the year, not to mention the pool in the hotel where they would be staying with the 200 contestants, would mean scouring for skimpy suited chicks. 

However, unfortunately for Cyborg, this 'mission' wasn't about to begin until he could convince an obstinate Raven to come out of the bathroom where Beast Boy and him had been waiting for the last eight hours, arguing about the finer points of dieting, meat vs. tofu. The talk with beast boy had been similar to listening to a vegetarian documentary and in short, a very impatient Cyborg tapped his foot. "Hurry up Rae! I gotta go!" The meta-human snickered at a wailing Beast Boy as he pulled out a few green hairs. 

"I told you man, that tofu crap is bad for you."

"Not tofu, man! Soy milk." His whine was drowned in a loud sneeze as various shades of blue powder spilled out from their jars.

"Beast Boy! I apologize.  This war paint is mo-." 

Robin turned to help the struggling alien with her last two buttons, "Its make-up, Star."  

"Oh," Starfire admiringly fingered her sash of magnolia-white satin, beaded with a string of seed pearls. "Beautiful! They almost look like the tiny shells on my planet. Tell me friends, does Raven look splendid in her dress?"  

 "Raven hasn't come out yet." Beast Boy glared at the door. "I didn't think she liked primping so much. I really have to go! Cy, just knock down the door already." 

"Are you kidding? She might be dressing or something." Beast Boy's antics were annoying but Cyborg had to admit, he had never seen _Raven_ in a dress before, though he wasn't sure if wasting precious hours of babe patrol was worth the wait.

"You need not sulk Beast Boy. I am sure Raven is happy to be part of this beauty contest, as I am." The alien gathered her skirt and glanced at the intimidating door. "Please Raven, it is I, Starfire. May I come and join you in the ritual of primping? Cyborg and Beast Boy feel that we shall miss out on the patrolling of the baby chickens if we do not leave soon." 

"This is ridiculous." The dark girl's voice croaked with an irritated sigh as she stepped out of the room. 

Star's bright green eyes flickered in surprise at her navy-shorts-and-baggy-sweat-shirt clad teammate. "Raven, you are not wearing your dress! You are not sick, correct? Shall I make you the pudding of wellness? Or perhaps recite to you all 3652 verses in the poem of good h-"

"Finally, I'm saved! What took you so...Ok, where's your dress? For all that is holy, _please_ don't tell me it took this long just for you to shower!" Beast Boy groaned and made a mad dash for the bathroom with a yell. "You can change later, just let me go first!" 

"Take your time. I'm not going to this contest."

Cyborg sniggered as his green friend turned into a cheetah and sprinted 90 mph down the hall. "No way Raven, not this time. We need you and Star to be the 'late entries' in this contest and keep the team updated about things. So you're going to be entering in the beauty pageant even if Mr. Soy Milk and I have to drag you there." Cyborg eyed the bundle tucked into her sweatshirt. "At least show us the dress, come on Rae, it can't be that bad...it's just...um..." He trialed off, searching for the right word to describe the filmy mess of fabric a particularly miffed Raven held out. "...Pink?" 

"Ooh! Your dress is simply exquisite." Starfire beamed happily, staring at the delicate seashell pink edged in a pale spidery lace and wild-rose ruffles. She held it up, squealing in excitement when she found the ribbon strings that tied the low back of the clingy silk dress. "Perfect! It is magnificent! You simply must wear it as you and I shall do each others war paint and hair with the dead plants Robin has given us."  

"War paint?" The water dripped and trickled from her hair making a small puddle on the tile floor. Raven lifted a brow, "Do I dare ask what that is?"

"Come friend, it shall be most fun!" The alien princess smiled before dissolving into a fit of giggles as she smeared a streak of blue dust on an unsuspecting Beast Boy, who having relieved himself, screeched in protest. "This eye shadow stuff isn't supposed to be tested on animals. Ah! It burns, get it off me! Get it off me!" He turned into a fish before diving into a jug of water.

"Shadow? I thought Robin said this paint was called the making of the up." Starfire's bright green eyes looked confused. "Raven, why-."

Raven cut her off brusquely, "Let's go. We have a beauty pageant to win."

 ***


	2. Wooing of the Baby Chickens

A/N: Sorry, forgot this last time: *ahem* I do not own the teen titans, though I wish I could control a bound of sonic cannon blasting, rhino charging, bird-a-rang-throwing, starbolt barraging and azarath-mentrion-zinthos chanting group of superheroes. *sigh* If only, if only... 14 Reviews for my one measly chapter! Hip Hip Hooray! Big thanks to all who reviewed! Lots of bad puns in this chapter, I must have been eating chocolate pudding again...find them for extra kudos!

Eventidespirit: Big thanks to you! You were my very first reviewer! Imagine that. Wow, I'm flattered that you said this was original since I hardly have any imagination.  This wasn't intended to be humorous but I guess it kinda is now, so glad you like and keep the comments coming! By the way, your story is awesome as well so please humor me in updating.

luv*a*lot: you and 'pink_chicken_babe' may have tied for the longest review in fanfiction history...for me at least and while I'm thrilled about this, I must warn you this is my only time I've written so that's not saying much I'm afraid. But I am glad you like my title and by the way, when is Cyra going to be updated? Its been a month, for all that's holy just update already! LOL...but in the meantime, read this and review for me please! ^_^

Kelly: Good, at least someone thinks this is getting somewhere, I wrote and rewrote this SO many times before I was completely satisfied.  Its always harder to write the second chapter when you know you have eager fans awaiting the next installment.   LOL, I'll try to not let my ego interfere with my writing ^_^;

thessalyD: Hiya! I'm so excited, writing fanfiction is SO much fun! Its great that you love my baby...oh did I just say that? I mean…um…story. Review once again after reading this please! And suggestions would be most appreciated!

Dangerproneredhead: Hey, like your penname…its kinda cool, come to think of it, I'm danger prone too. I must have stubbed my toe a bazillion times while wearing my new shoes, there's really pretty light pink…whoa, getting off topic here. As you can see, I'm a girl and a shoe fanatic. I also hit my head my eating chocolate pudding and trying to plug in my hair dryer, multitasking is bad. Anyways, glad you like!

Woodelf193: OMG! You have no idea how happy I was when I read your review! I love it when my readers are surprised especially since I was having  a bad day when I got it...so a million kudos to you for making me laugh and cheering me up! I'm sorry about the DR. Pepper, though I got this really good smelling chap stick stuff that smells just like it. Drools…Ok, off topic again. Review for me and update your stories, Now! (well, maybe when your done reading this)

Starflower Sakura:  This is great, I actually have reviewers! Yay! *does happy dance* Ok, I'm glad you like this as I've said to all the others before you but reading you're review made me SUPER happy, so there.  I didn't want to keep you waiting, cause I hate it when authors don't update for long periods of time, including several of the afore mentioned peoples, so I'm trying my hardest to please the masses!  

Dark: Wow, I read your review and was like cracking up and the librarian gave me this leave-or-die-death-glare. But agh, who cares about them anyways…unless you are related to an librarian, I swear every single time I say something bad about someone there either standing behind me or super good friends with the person I'm talking to! Gah, off topic again. *snickers* much?

'pink_chicken_babe': you and luv*a*lot will have to be nominated for the year's longest reviews! So kudos to y'all. I'm glad you like my writing style and extremely happy that you liked Raven's dress, I agree, it isn't really her but it is such a pretty dress, wow I want it. Its funny how you could tell about Raven's dress but I guess that's only natural, I mean Raven + dress could only equal disaster. Don't worry tho, there'll be lots more pretty dresses! 

Dusty Pens: Double the amount of kudos to you because you actually gave me suggestions on my characters! I like your ideas so I shall have to incorporate them some time. Currently, I have added one extra character as you will soon find out whom and tell me if it meets your expectations. Crap! Romantic pairings…duh, truthfully, I wasn't even thinking about that when I wrote this, kinda stupid huh? Well, I shall have to decide soon, how's this…I'll poll the audience and find out so be sure to tell me! 

Sorceress Vanessa: Yes, I did review for your story and I appreciate you reviewing back. Thanks, will you be updating it soon? I hope so because its really extra suspenseful not to mention good so I must warn you, when I'm in suspense and waiting, I'm prone to heart attacks so if you don't update you will be responsible for this story being discontinued due to my weak heart…La, what am I saying? Ok, well review plz!

hydroflame: Whoa, really cool penname, I like. Its very elemental sounding which so totally awesome, anyways, thank you SO much for reviewing this! I HEART YOU LOTS! And by the way, do tell me if you ever get inspiration for characters since I usually try to listen to my readers! I did manage to add one to this so far and it much a very nice plot twist/ conflict between some of the titans.

lulugirl715: You are my 13th reviewer! Yay for you! I'm glad you like this and will try to keep it going. Do you have any stories? I generally like to read my readers stories so I'll check out your profile after posting this! Though if I review, I'll have to pester you about updating. LOL it's a force of habit. ^_^;    

pink2lips: You're review was very fun and creative so thank you...um ok why do I have the feeling you fell out of your chair cause you figured out Raven was gonna wear a swimsuit? Hm...Two piece (bikini) or one piece. There's a talent competition too, wonder what their talents will be...LOL, read this and then review plz! 

***

"Dude!" Beast Boy did a double-take as he gave the mechanical arm of his robotic friend, who had diligently reported to duty for babe watch, a tug. It was definitely time to unleash the 'beast' from the 'boy' and let loose his newest creation, the ultra-supremely-advanced-megawatt-grin, known only to Gar Logan of the titans. Yep, that would do the trick just fine, he took a deep breath. "Hello, foxy ladies!" Cyborg gave the green changeling a glare, "You gotta play it cool man! Play it cool!" 

The robot's electrically wired system was _not_ a big fan of the beasted wonder's self-proclaimed genius at chick-wooing which often resulted in shorted circuitry. Nor was his ego and self-love able to swallow the bitter pill, not to mention, the endearing nametag of 'national idiot's friend.'

"You may put the 'hot' in hottie but I put the 'charm' into your average prince." 

The meta-human groaned, that last corn-flaked remark had probably done a number to his hard drive, a hard drive which he so painstakingly spent hours to load the latest gaming technology software so he could stay the crowned king and all time champ of death track 3000, even at the biggest event of the year.  Unfortunately for the poor Cyborg, his teammate's clichéd comments would deny him sanity for the better half of the night a yet another atrocity sprang from his mouth, "Never fear, for your shining knight and gallant steed are here!"  And so, the robot's worst nightmare commenced:

"You're the honey in honey-mustard."

"Somebody had better call god 'cause I think he's missing an angel."

Starfire grinned. "As you say here on earth, stale ludicrous and incredible lameness galore!" 

"Wow momma!"

 "Hey babes! So, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" The 'hard-drive-crashing-menace' batted long eyelashes at a particularly beautiful blonde who surprisingly _laughed._ "Good one! Aren't you cute?" Cyborg had to force his jaw to close as hot babes by the masses flocked to Beast Boy until he became only a tiny green dot in the center. "What the...Cute??? _How_?" They actually _liked_ the world's most sinister culprit of bad puns? 

"Like I said before, never try to figure out the beast factor, Cy." The little greeny's antics had actually won him the most-mother-load-of-lipstick-marks-smudged-over-his-cheek medal and the largest-ego-boost-of-the-year award. Off with the dunce cap and on with the shades. "It'll give you a headache the size of Jump City," He grinned.

Cyborg, young superhero extraordinaire, wasn't about to be bested. "Yeah Mr. Soy Milk, just like how your tofu crap does when it clogs the toilet."  

The evil perpetrator of congested toilets flushed red under twenty coats and shades of lipstick smears. "Hey! It does _not_ clog the toilet, tofu is good for your digestive system. At least I don't get jiggy with _Mr. Snufflekins_!" He sniggered as his indignant robotic friend sputtered to save his favorite teddy from the onslaught terror. "You leave Mr. Snuffles out of this!" 

"You are both fools." The dark girl's sigh was cloaked by impatient annoyance. "Shut up."

"Friends, you must not fight. I shall recite to you the 23178 verse poem of sorrow or perhaps a eulogy to plugged bathrooms. Do not feel guilt Beast Boy, I am sure the toilet has forgiven you and perhaps you may lend Cyborg some of your extraordinary beast-factor that enables you to do the wooing of little chickens." A glimmer of uncertainty flashed in the Tamaranian's eyes. "Raven, what does the earth term 'jiggy' mean?" 

A corner of her mouthed twitched. "You don't want to know."

"Gees moody girl. No need to get your undies in a bunch." Beast Boy laughed nervously as her stormy eyes narrowed into dark opals. "Heh...um, just kidding?"

"Glorious! On to Victory!" Starfire twirled happily,  floating a foot into the air. "May Cyborg be honored with the Earth title: 'number one baby patroller' and Beast Boy seek our bathroom's forgiveness. Then perhaps all of our undies will become knotted bunches of wholesome excitement and joyous delig-" She backed into a petite girl. "I apologize! You are the girl who laughed at Beast Boy's extraordinary jokes of bogus and circuit breaking, correct? I am Starf-...Kory Anders. Come, you must meet my other friends and we will initiate a group hug in your honor!" 

"Um...Cool." She grinned at the alien princess as Raven glared.

"Marvelous! You are in this beauty pageant as well.  We shall be the best of friends and do braiding rituals of the hair! What is your favorite color? Are a glorbag or a clorg? What is your favorite kind music? Do you like blue fuzzy foods? Or mint fudge anchovy pizza topping? What is your name? Your gown is magnificent!"Star smiled brightly at the strapless dress. Hues of periwinkle silk layered over and over in gauzy petals to reveal a pale turquoise underskirt, several shades duller than waned sea haze. A pretty butterfly clip pinned the long blond hair from her clear blue eyes. 

"These are my friends: Gar, Victor, and Raven in her splendid pink dress. Tim is filling our entry forms."

"Ok, uh...Sure, blue, clorg? Rock and Roll, yes to fuzzy food and pizza topping...Thanks, I made it myself and nice to meet you all." Her sea-colored eyes trembled faint blue as she smiled. "By the way-."

"Yes friend?" Starfire beamed. 

"I'm Terra."    


	3. Turn Offs

Hey everyone! 29 reviews make me happy! Yes.  Ok, um...unfortunately, in this chapter there seems to be quite a few bad puns and the like as well as references to beast boy's bathroom issues again.  I must agree, it is getting a little old since I've done it already in the 1st and 2nd chapter so tell you what, this will be the LAST time.  The latter would be a resultant  of having absolutely no imagination. Anyways, extra long chapter for my wonderful reviewers! 

luv*a*lot: Right, I know what you mean about them nasty heart attacks so I will try to update once every week.  Yes, I know Terra is quite an interesting twist to my plot. I would like say it was rather an ingenious ploy to hide the fact that I have absolutely no pairing yet.  Maybe some will develop while I'm writing.  Anyways, you're always welcome to suggest ideas and the like and you'll have to read for yourself to see if Terra's evil or not. Writing fanfiction gives me such a great feeling of power! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *ok, will never attempt evil laugh again*   

MonkeyHood: A new reviewer! Yay *does happy dance* Ok, I'm sure you didn't want to see that. So with what dignity I have left, I would like to say thanks for reviewing and such.  I know, Miss Congeniality wasn't the best movie ever but you gotta admit, it was pretty funny or at least a good idea. Kudos to you for reviewing and read on! 

lulugirl715: Very mysterious am I eh? Hee Hee, I was kinda going for that.  The suspense peaks more in this chapter since y'all get a tiny peak at the evil villain behind this scheme as well as the person helping them. I can't say much, but let me tell you this: The titans are in for it. DUN DUN DUN *OK, overly dramatic, I know* ^_^; Anyways, glad you like this and you'll have to keep reading and reviewing to help out what happens!

chickenbutt2: Another new reviewer! Yes! I don't per say like to torture Beast Boy and Cyborg but it kinda comes out that way when I'm typing.  My fingers seem to have a mind of there own.  I don't know if this was a hit with you but the Beast Boy bathroom jokes are ending, so sad.  That's ok though, I'm sure I'll find something else to write. MUHAHAHAH...Oh wait, I already said I'd stop doing that.  Yes and people who have no imagination rock! 

NavynBabyBlueSuedeShoes: Yet another new reviewer? Ha ha! I've struck gold! Thanks for the commemoration on my chapters and I appreciate the bit about capturing personalities since I do try.  Yes, I do know what you mean about the punkette ^_^;  Also I don't mind so thanks for your wonderful idea so thanks to it I shall be sure to write more. I agree totally agree, Cyborg mostly doesn't get a lot of spotlight in most fics so I will take your advice to heart! Promise! Thanks for the long review and read my new chapter now!

ChocolateCurlz: Yay! You are a new reviewer as well as a wonderful writer yourself! *side note: WHY HAVEN"T YOU UPDATED YOUR STORIES??? TSK TSK TSK!!!* Having me read people's stories in a way, is its own trial.  Unfortunately, I have literally no patience and will die if left in suspense for too long.  So update! THIS MEANS YOU! Yowza is a great word and thanks for thinking me a good writer. A lunch box? Really? I had no idea. ^_^ Read and Review now, ok?

The Sage of Story: You are a new reviewer! HIP HIP HOORAY! I'm glad you liked the parts with Starfire, she's such a cool character! Hm...judging by your review I'd say, you're not a particularly big fan of Terra? Yes yes, only time will tell and only reviews will satisfy my growing ego and make me happy! Also, the evil villain behind the plot is unveiled at the end and he has it in for the titans! Ooh, very suspenseful I know *takes bow and gloats* Ok, better finish better before my ego completely takes over. Um...JIGGY! La, I don't know what I'm saying. Just review!

Sanity-Stealing-Lawn-Gnome: You are a new reviewer as well! I'm glad you think this is very sweet and awesome and all the other things you said it was! Yes! Ha, aren't you lucky, you just read this like yesterday (I don't have a calendar, it was eaten by my fish) and I updated today! Lucky you.  Ok, I have no clue where the part about fish and calendar came in.  It fits in nicely though, don't you think? Suggestions are welcome!  

Dangerproneredhead: Yes, it does get interesting especially at the end were like the villain behind this is revealed and his accomplice is sort of too. So read on and tell me any suggestions you have ok? I'll try and update next week so you won't have to wait so long! Thanks for the wonderful review! You are super nice to me!

Woodelf193: DR. PEPPER! YOU MAKE THE WORLD TASTE BETTER!!! Wow, that's a great song.  Speaking of songs, Starfire gets to sing a super funny song (well, the song isn't really funny but the fact she's singing it is) in the talent thingy so be on the look out for that on my next update, possibly. Ok, Why isn't Raven for Terra updated yet? I'm so in suspense and I want to know!!! I do understand about the writer's block thingy so I won't send you like hate mail or anything but do try to update ok? Pretty Please? *ok, enough whining for now* Yes, Gr...Terra I know.  She's kinda annoying but I don't know...I heard from someone she was like evil and going to betray the team. Anyways, tell me what you think in a review! 

Dark: Yes, toilet references, I realize.  Well, it's all good anyways. I really loved your review, something about them makes me laugh but this time I learned not to read it in a library. Oh, yeah, words of the wise right there. I probably would have died if looks could kill, that library lady was really scary. *whimpers and hides under bed* I'm come out soon enough though, I promise.  Just to keep you amused! ^_^

'pink_chicken_babe': Yay! Another long review! How wonderful! Wow, you actually counted puns, really though I'm worried for your personal health.  Not many people survive the horror of my attempts at humor. Wow momma was pretty funny I guess and yes there is a great deal of bashing though I didn't mean it at first, honest. And yes, this is a weekly update thing, at least I try to make it one. Mr. Snufflekins will make another appearance, promise that too! And I'm glad you liked my plot twist, you can except much more.  

Sorceress Vanessa: Hmph! Its already been past march 2nd and 3rd but you still haven't updated! What's up with that? Jk, Fanfiction net was had a few problems around then, didn't it? Like I got eighty emails that were sent about reviews and such.  It took me an hour to sort it out, it was a nightmare.  But all better now and ready to write a new chapter! P.S. Thanks for the good luck! I love good luck!

hydroflame: "YAY! Terra has landed!" Does that mean YAY some action or YAY I like Terra? Just wondering it doesn't really matter. I like Terra cause she's really interesting and a great plot device.  Plus she could also get Raven to open up more. So it's all good. And no, you were not rambling since you have given me excellent inspiration! While I'm not so sure about Blackfire I will try and bring in Jinx or maybe even Robin's worst nightmare, Kitten. There's a world of possibilities! 

pink2lips: You are the last reviewer who gets a response but by far one of the best! You made with so happy with your review! Unfortunately, I'm afraid that's not saying much since I'm happy a lot but none the less, thanks! Yes, a bikini would be funny and I think that Beast Boy realized that too. LOL, I still have yet to design Star and Raven's outfit, for evening gowns, swim suits, and their outfits for the talent competition. OK, that' all for now! R and R!

***

"The preliminaries will begin in 5 minutes! We're on air in five, four, three..."  

Gar Logan, the amazingly beasted wonder, master of the ultra-supremely-advanced-megawatt-grin, self-proclaimed wooer of little chickens, honorary holder of the most-lipstick-marks-smudged-over-his-cheek medal and the largest-ego-boost-of-the-year award, not to mention most sinister culprit of bad puns and causer of shorted circuitry, nervously chewed on the number-two pencil, barely noticing Robin's glare as the wood snapped under the pressure of his two buck teeth, courtesy of the changeling's current state: 'beaver-mode.'

"You okay man? Want me to get that rubber sleeping bag of yours?" Needless to say, he was facing a few _minor_ difficulties.

 Beast Boy moaned. "Dude, this is no time for jokes!"

"I didn't know you could dance like that." A skimpily dressed redhead giggled. 

Always the ladies' man, such a particularly afflicting trial at times, though it was clearly not the case for the evil-perpetrator of congested toilets who was unfortunate enough to be 'troubled' in some of the more peculiarly common aspects of life. Take waiting or even tofu consumption, for example.  Notice what the boy wonder does wrong: 1) he is experiencing some...discomfort, 2) he has invented some defected style of polka/I-need-to-go dance, 3) the fact that he _needs_ a rubber sleeping bag, and 4) he gnaws a quarter inch from the firecracker-red nails of an ill-fated chick while waiting in anticipation. 

All of the afore mentioned factors are major turnoffs. 

"Dude, I haven't been this scared since they opened Bob's Extra Meaty Steakhouse and Grill on main street. I can't believe they even dared to ban all 574 kinds of soy cubes! What could be left sacred in a world without tofu?" The green changeling waved his hands madly. "This is freaky, I mean I'm going to be on television. I hope we're recording this at home, even if I'm only in the audience, Raven's wearing a dress. It could sell for billions!"

"We should have left you at the tower with moody girl. She looked ready to kill when that lady tried to give her that make-up crap." 

Beast Boy glanced at the velvety-plush stage curtains to make sure the dark girl wasn't near enough to hear him. "She probably would have thanked you for giving her the happiest day of her life. I bet Raven would give anything not to look constipated and wear sparkly peach eye shadow, especially if she could stay home with the teen heartthrob, handsome sensation, the charming dauntless prince and spend hours melting into my dreamy pools of emerald-green eyes. She wants me, I know she does. Raven's ju-..."   

"Not even in your dreams." 

A familiar black energy crackled around Beast Boy, uncorking the nearby champagne bottles to form a large bubbling splash of various expensive wines. "No No...Not the sound of water!" He morphed into a lion and charged for the men's room only to bounce off as the door became encased in the same eerie glow. "Raven! Ok, look I'm sorry. I'm SORRY! I didn't mean it. I promise, I didn't mean it! JUST LET ME GO!"

"C'mon Star! This isn't funny! Make her stop!" The giggle in the background sounded suspiciously like bright-eyed alien.

"You're right. BB, this isn't funny. It's hilarious." Cyborg returned with a large bag of buttered popcorn. 

Raven's take on greenie slaughter was by far better than the highly educational destruction of pro-wrestling, the vicious terror of college football, and the vastly brutal beach sport, rugby. Oh yes, and did he mention that this fight had triple the ultimately extreme rush of his submarine's seismic blasters and the sonic boom combined? The robot smiled as he passed Robin some of the artery-clogging, fatty, cholesterol-filled snack, this was even better than besting Gar 1358 times at his new video games.

"I SAID I WAS SORRY! RAVEN! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

The dark girl slammed her inauspicious victim to the wall. "Next time you talk about me, turn off your comm link." 

Beast Boy slapped a hand to his forehead, of course! Cy had just created tiny ear pieces for the girls, disguised as earrings, so they would be able to communicate when the preliminaries began. But he'd said th-...Wait, _Cyborg _said that they 'weren't working yet.' He glared at his sonic-blasting teammate who had suddenly burst into an innocently cheerful tune of whistles that could be translated more commonly as: 'Ha Ha got you good." The pageant judges could later recall witnessing the strangest sight: a green rhino stampeding a half-robot man down the length of red carpet. 

Robin grinned at the sight as he whipped out his handy dandy: walkie talkie. Yep, life was definitely beautiful. "All right girls! This is your one chance to get us inside the contest! I've registered you for all the categories and you'll get the times for your swimsuit photo shoots later. We have to keep a low profile so limit your powers. That means for the talent competi-." 

"You have to use something other than your powers." Cyborg finished for their team leader as he ran from the jaws of an angry leopard. "Star, you can dance and Raven can sing. There, problem solved. Now MOVE people!"

"I'm a psychic. I move things with my mind. End of discussion. I refuse to sing and dance." The impatient croak in her voice made it final.

"Aw, Rae. You're already wearing peach makeup _and_ a pink dress. Singing or dancing can't be much worse," Cyborg coaxed as he began poking through his built in CD rack. Luckily, Beast Boy decided to continue the chase after taking care of a few more _personal_ issues. "There's gotta be some song out there you don't completely hate...hm, I'll look in my collection first...Let's see, I got a couple of Britney's...here's Christina...do you like Beyonce?"

"Do _you_ like strutting around, singing about fervent hormones?" 

Cyborg twitched at the image, "Point taken."

"There is a competition of talents? Glorious! I shall put our judges in an awed stupor with my singing of our Tamoranian folksongs or perhaps a recitation of the wondrous poetry of Blorthog, the holiday of friendship! Is the rapid consumption of blue and fuzzy fudged-dipped anchovy pizza a talent as well? I also know of a joyous opera in the language of the Gordanians."

"Um...Star? How about just an earth song?"

"Marvelous idea! I shall immediately make haste and learn this jingle of tu-."

"Right. I think there was a package for us in the front lobby. It might be your swim suits." Robin nodded for Cyborg to get into position as the stage curtains opened, signaling the beginning of the contest. 

"Whoa! Raven's gonna wear a swim suit?" Beast Boy recovered a little to late form his previous trauma as the radio was cut off with a click and he was shushed by the angry pitchfork-waving mob of people in the row behind him.

Meanwhile, another conversation was only beginning...     

"_This is your only chance to get within touching distance of the titans." _Slade watched the girl in the communicator. "_I want them eating out of the palm of your hand. Win their trust-_"

_"...Then crush them_."


	4. The Night of the Posting

A/N: OK, I had a chapter posted but unfortunately, it was flawed so I had to take it down and fix it. My yummy foods are returned to me! Ha ha! It is now better than before SO GO READ IT AFTERWARDS! (Most of the changes are at the end so don't you dare read a few lines and then choose not to read anymore!) 

Proceed to my excuse for taking down the chapter:

The Night of Posting (Parody of the 'Twas the Night Before Christmas)

'Twas the weekly posting, when through the house  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;  
An chapter was already thought out with care,  
In hopes that a review soon would be here;  
  
The readers were nestled all snug in their beds,   
While potty trained Beast Boys danced in their heads;  
And mamma asleep, and I in my thinking cap,  
armed with pudding and yummy snacks of sugar + fat,  
  
When from the computer there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.  
Away to my email I flew like a flash,  
Logged into my account and my teeth did I gnash. 

The moon on the breast of the new reviews  
Doth my ill-fated ego so viciously skew,  
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,  
But a review which I quailed from in such fear,  
  
With a little old suggestion, so greatly helpful,  
found I crimes in my story so terribly shameful.  
More rapidly written than came my other chapters,   
I had overlooked huge spelling and grammatical errors! 

"Now, Raven A. Star! Now, Aori Tsuki! Now, ChocolateCurlz!  
Fox Pocky and Sanity-Stealing-Lawn-Gnome! (those who've already read chapter 4!) 

On Cookie Dough! On Chocolate! On, Ice Cream and Pudding!  
To mess up my brain! To leave me no choice!  
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!   
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

Alack! I banish you, knavish foods whist I cry,   
Into the trash can with the evils I'd wooed,  
With the box of Thin Mints, and Oreos too. 

And so, with sorrow I vow, I promise,

To give up the said foods until I do this:  
Fix the 4th chapter and when next week's around,   
Down the chimney TWO installments shall bound.

Dressed to perfection with metaphors and such!

And away with I and my white-chocolate fudge;   
For once the two chapters are completed and done,   
My foods are returned and no longer shunned.

Your eyes -- how they twinkle! Your dimples how merry!  
Your cheeks were like roses, Your nose like a cherry!   
Your droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,   
Amused are you? Will don't let it show; 

A thumping you'll be in for if I was ever to find,  
That your heart found humor while sadness filled mine.  
So look again, the same time this Sunday!  
For I vow, soon doth this madness I shall slay! 

So be patient my lads and lassies,  
My cute faithful duckies!   
Soon! away with this rhyming, no more! No more!  
Give it the boot and kick out the door;   
  
This horrid block of writer's woe,   
Be gone it shall, away it goes!   
So exclaim I, ere drive out of sight,  
"HAPPY WAITING TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

Ok, so if y'all couldn't understand as in the poem, I was really behind schedule with my writing so I wrote something really quick and then I realized it was quite bad. So I already fixed it, but this was fun to write so I'll leave it posted for you amusement, either that or my amusement as I watch your brains fester with all the rhyming madness! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH!  


	5. Shake Things Up

Meanwhile, before the introductory ceremonies, a heated argument has sprung. This time, it has nothing to do with dietary issues...Rather, it is deals with more _personal_ problems.

" 'Who are you kidding, Cy?' Says Mr. Green Elf. 'Of course there's nothing wrong with my digestive system, you tin man!' See what happened? Thanks to your little escapade, I had to fly halfway to Metropolis just to buy you Pepto-Bismol! That gas station salesclerk looked at me as if I were crazy. You know what she said? 'You're just metal, do you even need to go?' Half robots have feelings too you know!"

Pause right there.

Let us all take a small moment to wonder, what possibly made the genetically altered meta-human so angry? Perhaps, the answer lies with a certain green lad who is about to become ground beef. Perhaps this answer has to do with "Peptol Bismol" and "Digestive system."

Yes, the intuitive solution would be to condemn the self proclaimed wooer of little chickens. Ah, if only it were only that simple...

Well, actually, it really is.

A series of unfortunate events or ridiculously bored godly being (enough ego stroking) has condemned the Titans to face the music. On this day, Raven finds herself in a _dress_ and Cyborg has decided to pummel Beast Boy to the ground.

At least it will be entertaining.

"C'mon, I already said sorry! Now, I know you don't wanna unleash the face." Beast Boy morphed into a cute and fuzzy kitty. "Dude! Where did I go wrong? It's not my fault! I'm telling you, that brunette chick said the pink stuff was a strawberry milkshake and offered me a cup. How was I supposed to know she spiked it?"

"Hm...Well, let's think about that one. Maybe because she gave it to you in a pink bottle that said: 'Highly strong laxative for quick, effective results. Use with caution, serving size: one milliliter.' Oh and did I forget to mention the other labels? 'Side effects include intense cramping, heavy diarrhea, and odious bodily gases!'" The green changeling backed away from his fuming friend.

An angry Raven and Cyborg all in one day, what were the odds of that? It had to be a new record for the Guinness World Book.

"Um...Guys? The contest's started," Robin was quite anxious to win fair lady's heart. The art of wooing begins with the most important aspect: attend girlfriend's pageant on time...with a bouquet of roses, if at all possible.

"I think we missed an hour already."

Well, so much for that.

"WHAT? NOOO!!!" The green lion suddenly stopped running from the brandisher of cardboard swords, his robotic gladiator counterpart. "Holy injustice! Darn you, strawberry-milkshake-sample-giving babe of milky chocolate tresses! Oh how you forsake me, my love!"

"Shut up, and let's get moving with it!" Cyborg grabbed them both by the scruffs of their necks and ran for dear life. "If I've missed any wiggling or bikinis, heads will roll."

Yelling, Gar grinned, "Don't you mean, 'Let's get jiggy with it?" Get it? As in jiggy with Mr. Snufflekins??

Alas, tragedy struck for even the bravest of Beast Boys couldn't match the battle-cry of fury not the fearsome slaughtering in heavy pursuit. But hopefully, his trauma won't last lost. After all, isn't that what superhero insurance is for?

AFLACK!!!

It seems the Miss Gotham Beauty Pageant is quite famous, even the duck celebrity has come. All the same, hold thou foulest tongue you knave, you ill-fated duck, or I shall roast thee!

And In the midst of mascot roasting, the girls are preparing for their debut on stage.

"Friend, you are sure this dress is...adequate, correct?" Star smiled timidly. She had never worn such a pretty earthen garment before, especially one of such whimsical quality. Unwrapping it from the box Robin had sent, she ran her fingers down the costume. The sea green coral floated in whispers of pale ocean as swift fingers laced the strings of her strapless shift. Drops of tear-shaped emeralds dripped and trickled to form the tiny silk skirt.

"It is not puny? Or too tight? You are sure my gnarvelk farbaks have not revealed themselves?"

"You look great. Trust me." Terra's hair rippled in soft tumbling waves as she untied a yellow ribbon from her package. She like Starfire had never worn anything so fine, instead stuck to making dresses out of material leftover from secondhand dressmakers. It was quite the miracle someone had _miraculously_ left a gown outside her hotel room door.

Stepping out of the dressing room, she twirled, the faded shades of wild amaryllis satin floating in hazes of narcissus yellow like a flowing pair of butterfly wings. "You look...like some kind of fairy...like Tinkerbelle only minus the shoes. And are all those jewels real?"

"Yes, I believe so. These stones of greenness remind me very much of the Sentari Moon diamonds." She added shyly, "It was a gift."

Terra grinned mischievously, "From a _friend_, right?"

"Yes." Hesitating, Kory spun around, pretty gold sequins and topaz brocade glimmering a deep bronze as she whirled, revealing a paneling of more gems. Of course Tim was her friend. And even on her home world, true friends afforded each other the rarest, most expensive of gifts, which the dress undoubtedly was. So if it was a normal custom, why were her stomach muscles so resolutely tied?

Falling silent, Starfire slipped into deep thought as Terra led her backstage. Keenly aware of someone stepping one her gold glittering shoes, also a gift from Tim, Kory snapped out of her trance noticing how many other girls had entered. And suddenly, she heard a high, whining voice and felt a sudden rush of dislike.

"It's YOU!"

The infinite amount of characters this winged authoress may have inserted in infinite. Whether your chiny chin chins can tolerate being scratched in thought or not, Starfire of Tamaran shall reveal it soon enough.

"YOU! Horrid, manipulative, weaseled monster! Nastiest displeasing stench Gar's crusty socks of sweat! You are unfit to lick the snorkins of a gordanian slime or the gnarknacks of a Clorbag slug! Not-nice zorblark and hideous ooze monster of sludge! Underside of a Snordian Varblernelk! Rude and ugly Flarbork! You are a psychotic overbearing cat of meanness!" Starfire's eyes glowed a bright neon-green. "Do not make me Glorphag you!"

"It's Kitten! K-I-T-T-E-N!" A hideous nightmare, attired from head to foot in pink gauze battered her eyes. ChocolateCurlz always said it best. They were mascara massacred.

"I do not care for such trivialities. Feel my wrath, lowlife." Kory felt her eyes spark. Here she was, wearing a very short, revealing dress, her face dusted with gold powder, golden roses in her hair, all courtesy of Tim. And now, this vile creature would try to steal _her_ boy from under her nose!

Again!

She would not allow such a thing.

"Agh! Like rude much! Get it righ-!" The stage curtains opened. Kitten found herself in the spotlight, "You stupid bitch!"

Being a creature of the light, Starfire felt her skin glow as she absorbed some of the artificial light's warmth. Her eyes gleamed brighter now. "Unconceivable atrocity! Nasty beast of the Gahlaj Pits. You are undeserving to eat your own young!"

Met with several cricket chirps and a disapproving glare of the judges, Kittens shoved Starfire off the stage and into a pile of brooms in the janitor's closet. Much to Robin's horror, Kitten began to sing...TO HIM!

"...Diamonds are a...diamonds are a...diamonds are a...girl's...best...friend..." Blowing a kiss from her pouty, glossified lips, she pointed at Tim, "He's mine...HI, ROBBY POO!"

How she could recognize him without the mask was a remarkable feat, but who knew what stalkers did in their spare time...For one thing, they liked to watch Moulin Rouge. Or is that just my plotbunny?

"How did _she_ get into the pageant?" Groaning, Robin slid from his seat. Kory was going to kill him!

"Heh. Two chicks wrestling each other for you this very moment," Cyborg slapped him on the back.

A large vein visibly growled from Robin's head. "Shut it, _Snufflekins_"

"You repulsive worm of disgustingness!" Rising from the broom closet, Starfire plucked a mop out of her hair, throwing aside as she launched herself at Kitten. Her long fingers tamed her unruly mane, red curls knotted with roses, gold like the one pinned on her dress. She tossed her head, "You are not the only one who can sing folksongs."

A poor, diplomatic judge tried to keep the peace—"_Pardon Mademoiselles_, ze talent competition is not taking place yet, please save your lovely voices—he was shoved into the closet.

"Thieving Ilork, you shall not be spared!" Shoving Terra away, Starfire launched herself at Kitten.

Expecting some sort of Tamaran hate chant or prelude to cat skinning, Robin was quite surprised when Kory began singing, in French. Beast Boy and Cyborg, who had secretly taught her the song as a joke, slid down their seats in horror.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir." (For those of you who haven't heard, it means: 'Would you sleep with me' in French...Also from Moulin Rouge)

Unfortunately, a quarter of the auditorium was occupied by various dignitaries come to see flamboyant American culture. As a result, most of the audience consisted of old men. Most of this crowd was also fluent in French.

Ah, Beast Boy and Cyborg, the havoc you reek!

"How dare you? Little alien slut!" Slapping her, Kitten's gloved hand left a red mark on Star's face before cruelly yanking her hair. She yelped, dodging her blow. Starfire's fist smashed through the floor, backhanding Kitten as she slammed her through the wall with a loud _RIP_!!!

The blonde had torn her dress!

"Ouch! You like made me break a nail!" Revealing a pink strappy shoe, Kitten dug her heel into the delicate material, grinding it under her foot, "You're gonna pay!"

"That was a gift from Robin." Starfire felt her blood rush, carousing through her veins as she hurled green energy. "Repulsive Slorg, you have made me very angry...I do not like to get angry."

"Starfire. Enough." Raven croaked, her eyes glowing a threatening white.

"No friend Raven, I am not done." Twin starbolts replaced her hands, shooting beams from her eyes.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to be the good guy! You can't do this me!" Kitten whined in fear when suddenly she was enveloped by shadow.

"Useless mortal picking a fight was a stronger, smarter, warrior princess," Raven commented dryly, "Very brilliant."

"S-She broke my nail!" Kitten wailed, pointed an accusing finger.

"She doesn't seem to care about your nails."

Breathing again, Robin and the others left their makeshift bomb shelter.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The judges weren't too happy.

Batman wouldn't be either.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blowing their cover so quickly, getting into a fight and nearly demolishing the entire premises. The terrorists hadn't showed their faces and already the pageant was nearly destroyed!

Groaning, Tim though of all the endorsements he'd have to make and all the begging he'd have to do to get Raven to do some serious memory modifying. (Yes, this _isn't_ Harry Potter)

At least the worst of it was over, now all they'd have to do was finish the pageant and go home.

It was going to be all down hill from here.

Right?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Watching from high up in a balcony seat, Slade and his minions watched Kitten being dragged away by the police.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wrong.


End file.
